Feeling a mystery

You know, lately I have had this sinking feeling, an odd feeling of sorts that just will not let me be. Let me put it this way. Have you ever had the feeling that in a room with many people, that someone was trying to get your attention? As if you are just sitting there in this room, maybe reading a book, or twiddling your thumbs, and you get this feeling that someones eyes are on you, or trying to loudly whisper to you?

You stop from what you are doing and look up, and at first you think you might be going a bit mad. You decide to look around a bit and you glance around the room to your left, nothing there. You then look around to your right, and again no one to the right is trying to get your attention. So you go back to what you are doing. It is at this point you resume your meaningless task and confirm to yourself that a slight bit of insanity has set in, something you should watch while you age. Who knows, dementia might actually be fun for you.

All of a sudden, you get the feeling again. "What is going on?" You say to yourself. This time the feeling is more real and more insistent. You already looked to your left and right and before all you saw were normal faces just doing whatever normal people do in a nondescript location such as this. There is one place that you did not check though, a place that all to often goes unnoticed, behind you. Slowly you turn your head in a cautious fashion, making sure not to draw attention to yourself and also not to strain your neck, so you invite your shoulders to turn with you. You move slightly and adjust your bodily position to garner a view of what or who, is directly behind you.

See at this point you must take stock of your current emotional status. For the past few minutes you have gone on a bit of a roller coaster. First, you felt something. Now whether or not this feeling confirms the presence of an entity, you none the less "felt" something. Eyes that peer at you, or a small voice muddling to you. Maybe you did not feel it with the traditional senses, but you most certainly felt it.

Second, you questioned yourself, doubted yourself. "There is in no way someone is trying to reach me, because I don't know anyone here and I surely haven't reached out to someone recently. How can I even rely on a feeling, some arbitrary emotion that really holds no water? I couldn't even scientifically explain that feeling."

Third, you give in and ask, "What could hurt, a little look around?". Now not much effort went into you looking around, but this is more like searching for evidence in a crime. "Where is the evidence?" you so nobly ask yourself. Peering left and right, you find no such evidence to confirm your suspicions.

Fourth, you confirm your handicap, and relent to the fact that schizophrenia is right around the corner for you. Yet, it will not stop. The feeling won't go away. Someone or something wants to get my attention and they or it will not rest until they have locked their or its gaze upon mine. "This is too strong now, I can't just be imagining it." So one more look wouldn't hurt, would it? In your thinking you believe that you have exhausted the possibilities. Left or right, where else could it be coming from? Ah but wait, there is one more option.

This was a little bit of the feeling that I have had all day long. I can't explain it, because I have been alone most of the day. Now I can say that I have had this feeling before. It has come up, when God is trying to tell me something, but what?

I am a fan of the mystery, the story that cannot be solved until the last ten minutes of the show. I think that God knows this, actually I know he knows this. So do you think God is prompting me? Saying, "Matt, look around, keep on your toes, something is going to reveal itself to you". I think so, maybe this is the time that God wants me to be ultra sensitive to my surroundings. What, though, does he want me to see? And where is my last option to look? That is the mystery.